SOME THINGS TO SAY INSTEAD

talking

Someone you care about is upset.

They’re showing you their big feelings and it’s making you uncomfortable.

You want to make them feel better and help them solve their problems.

That’s really nice.

And I’m sure your intentions are honourable.

But first things first, when we witness big feelings, we need to practice acknowledging them before we launch into fix-it mode.

We need to practice BEING WITH the feelings of others without diminishing or minimizing them.

This is how to truly connect. This is how we can see and be seen.

And keep at it. You’ll mess up and that’s okay, just keep at it.

This stuff takes practice. We’ve been conditioned to be fix-it-robots so it takes time to untangle ourselves from the ways we’ve been taught to be with one another.

SO, INSTEAD OF THIS:

  • It could be worse.
  • Don’t worry.
  • You’re overreacting.
  • You’ll get over it.
  • That’s not as bad as…
  • Just think positive.
  • Look on the bright side.
  • At least…
  • Here, you should try all these things to fix your thing!

SAY THIS:

  • That really sucks.
  • I believe you.
  • I can see that you’re struggling.
  • I hear that is bothering you.
  • That sounds so hard.
  • I’m here with you.
  • Would you like support or suggestions?
  • I’m not really sure what to say. What would feel good to hear from me right now?